delusions of grander

My wife thinks I'm an open book…she also says that I put my feelings on my face and that it's easy to read. Beyond all of that, theres a bunch of stuff in this here noggin, most of which will need to be scrapped out on the 24th. I'm sitting here an hour away from my wife, preparing for my skull to be cut open in 9 days. How did I get here to this exact point? It's funny, when you're younger you have all these delusional dreams and aspirations, which the tall people in your life encourage. As you get older maintaing your dreams seems harder and harder. Maybe these stories aren't universal and I'm pretending that they are, I've always had an over inflated sense of self worth. Perhaps we all do in some way. Scientists have shown that we are all the centers of the universe, it's all about perception and whatnot. However, I could be wrong, I have been before. I have a weird sense of importance, I think that I could change the world, I get a couple of likes and I think I'm walt disney or something. But the economy doesn't run on "likes". It runs on money, plain and simple. For some dude who had almost 10 years at a grocery store, his crappy art could get likes but it's barely worth it's weight in paper or whatever. Strip off all the layers, I'm still that little boy who just thinks he's a rock star or some thing. Maybe I'm extremely delusional and I live in a world of fantasy, and I have a hard time relating to the real world. Who the hell knows. I would like to make some new projects, but there's barely any interest for the projects that I've finished. Being an artist was a lot easier when I worked as a bag boy, pulling in min wage. I had these crappy little characters and stories, but I don't think they're interesting enough to garner any connection with anyone. Do you ever re-evaluate your life? I tend to do that when I forget to meditate. Life sometimes just feels like a big weight on my shoulders. Are things telling me to try harder or are they saying that I need to stop. There's so many artists out there, and so many people making things, it's nearly impossible to make a blip on the radar. I acknowledge the ego problems, so I try to do the following to keep my ego in check: I try to separate my art from my personal life, I make fun of myself on a regular basis, and I try to help and support the art of others. I really don't know what point I'm trying to make, I guess just need to vent. Once again in the back of my head I feel like this stuff would be stinking poetry or something. I need to face the facts, my grammar sucks and I'm a weirdo. I want to create and inspire others to create all with a positive message. I think most likely I'm less of an artist and more like that weird guy who talks to himself and doodles. Not to mention smells like cheese. I just wish I knew what people thought about me, I already know what I think about myself but most likely it's not the same way. I heard that someone wanted my autograph recently I met him in person and it seemed more like he wanted it to make fun of me. I feel like I'm still that weird guy who doesn't get to sit at the cool kids table, but he thinks he's cool and doesn't realize that he smells like cheese. I try to go against the grain and embrace that weirdness…I think that weirdness is the original "nerdy". And to be honest that's what I was inspired by when I made Nerd night. Then I got overwhelmed by the politics within the scene. The worst part is that I try to be kind to people, then people confuse that with weakness and try to take advantage of me. Then I have to be an asshole to defend myself and I hate that. This is why I'm so private. I don't know why I'm typing this…maybe I'll make another comic that no one will read….