Monday, May 27, 2019

True Love Waits

True Love Waits
By Myk Media
            The hardest part about having an invisible disability is connecting with someone. Usually they don’t have the patience or understanding to get to know you.  It doesn’t happen for everyone, but I was fortunate enough not only to find someone who not only accepted me as a person but also embraced me as a spouse. 
            Anyone who doesn’t know what it’s like to have NVLD I can only relay  my experience having it.  Imagine having an ability to converse with anyone with utmost confidence and stride only to find out much later what you did, or said was extremely offensive, insulting, or strange. Typically I wouldn’t know what I did or said that would have a lasting impact with an individual or group but I would always feel the after effects. This wasn’t more apparent then in my dating life.  
            Prior to being diagnosed, I would go on dates and things would go perfectly find until a certain point in which some of the individuals decided the date was over. I never exactly knew what it was that I said but I knew it was something. This perpetual sense of putting my foot in my mouth was apparent with my father, he suggested potential diagnoses for my mental state but these were all unofficial. I recall going on a date and I attempted to relay these diagnoses, this bought me time and we did eventually continued dating until communication break downs came to a head and ultimately severed our relationship.  She no longer took my father’s unofficial diagnosis; she thought I was intentionally this way. I felt like I was destined to live with my parents for the rest of my life, my father felt the same way. 
            Eventually I found another girlfriend who looked past my shortcomings, and despite living at home we got engaged. Shortly after we got married, my father was thrilled and shortly after I enrolled in college. Everything was going fine until math came about and my father told me there was no way I would succeed without assistance. The college set me up to get me diagnosed to aid with my math and get it substituted if necessary.  This is when I got officially diagnosed with NVLD and my wife was very supportive and understanding. She’s been more understanding then any other peer previously in my life. She knows that I say and do odd things and I manage to put my foot in my mouth more often then not, however she’s been with me going on 5 years now. 
            In closing, even if you feel different and odd there’s someone understanding for everyone out there it just takes time. Just be patient because true love waits. 

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

The Greatest Show That You Didn't Know That You Needed

       In the modern age of utter nonsense, there's something blissful about a cassette tape record label. Strangely inviting does not prepare one for Gnar Tapes. While inviting describes everything surrounding Gnar Tapes, including the band, White Fang, and the outstanding television program that emerged onto Comedy Central.  Gnarnia serves the viewer with the kind of calculated throwback comedy that America needed to discover right about now.
         I discovered Gnar Tapes from Burger Records, while these two entities are separate they are bound by their unique take on media and distribution. I found myself getting into tape manufacturing from these two labels. The reaction is always one of curiosity and confusion. Slinging tapes in 2018 is difficult, being that it's extremely niche. Gnarnia fully embraces that difficulty and puts it in the forefront as the main obstacle of their brilliant show.
          What makes the show brilliant is how its about the real life members of the band White Fang who are also the heads of Gnar Tapes a record label and music shop. The struggle of this band is to try and keep their dreams alive in a world that doesn't quite understand. The band is played joyfully naive which is inviting to watch. The show successfully evokes memories of the Banana Splits or the Monkeys with a touch of Cheech and Chong without feeling contrived.
              In closing, this classic show a a wonderful alternative to modern redundancy. Even if a show about a cassette tape label sounds confusing, I recommend that you indulge your curiosity and check this wonderful show out.

Friday, July 21, 2017

Goodnight, Mr. Orlando

     Billy Manes, was unlike anyone else and today, even though I never met him, I can attest that Orlando truly lost a large part of itself.  
Through social media, we are constantly bombarded with stories about death, but each one is as impactful as the last. Why are we humans so emotionally effected by the passing of someone who we never actually met? 
        My first introduction to Mr. Manes was sadly my only introduction. However it was an intoxicating experience. I discovered his editorials in the Orlando weekly, after moving to Orlando from Colorado. Those mile high school years were spent reading the writings of edgy fringe writers which prepared me for the tonality and wit that Billy was so fluent in. I was in awe of his writing style. It was reminiscent of Hunter S. Thompson with a touch of Bowie, however this is an unfair reduction of his talents. There was so much more complexity, humor, and intelligence in his writings. 
           His writing was the motivating factor for me to pick up the weekly and to strengthen my writing prowess to match his talents. I feel as though I got to learn so much about him merely though those articles. Billy was larger then life, he was surreal, eccentric and overall, a genius. 
            Despite being a genius, I never got to experience it first hand, I have met those who knew him, and they said that he was just as amazing in person wrapped in a sheet of kindness. While Billy may have frequented the clubs and bars of Orlando, I was just merely a grain of sand in the large  social ocean of Orlando however this fact doesn't minimize the impact that his passing has. We humans are so emotionally effected by the passing of someone who we never actually met because mortality is part of the human experience. When we connect or relate to someone even from a far, it makes that passing even harder. I don't just speak for myself when I say, Orlando will miss you. 

Thursday, November 10, 2016

To the End of Love

I was fortunate enough to discover Leonard Cohen's music early enough. Many people were introduced to Leonard's music through the film Natural Born killers. Years after that his music has been played in excess on most soundtracks. However the true Leonard Cohen is far more then merely a soundtrack artist. He began as a prolific poet with layers of symbolism and meaning. He eventually moved  into the world of music. For those who aren't familiar with his work, start with songs of love and hate and dive deep into his avalanche of symbolism. I was fortunate enough to see him play for four hours at red rocks. He has lived a very satisfying life and he played every night of his recent tour to the fullest. With time he's been winding down and welcoming the concept of death. 
This death is the only death which I'm not entirely sad about. I feel satisfied that Leonard got his wish. He waited to die until he could tour a few times, and release a few more albums before peacefully fading away. He said he was ready to die, and death was finally ready for him. Take this waltz and forever sing in the tower of song. 

I'm leaving the table
I'm out of the game
I don't know the people
In your picture frame
If I ever loved you, oh no, no
It's a crying shame
If I ever loved you
If I knew your name

You don't need a lawyer
I'm not making a claim
You don't need to surrender
I'm not taking aim
I don't need a lover, no, no, no
The wretched beast is tame
I don't need a lover
So blow out the flame

There's nobody missing
There is no reward
Little by little
We're cutting the cord
We're spending the treasure, oh no, no
That love cannot afford
I know you can feel it
The sweetness restored

I don't need a reason
For what I became
I've got these excuses
They're tired and they're lame
I don't need a pardon, no no, no no, no
There's no one left to blame
I'm leaving the table
I'm out of the game
I'm leaving the table
I'm out of the game

Leaving The Table
-Leonard Cohen 

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Marilyn Manson: Actor, Musician, Prophet?

I remember my friend Pat telling me that Marilyn Manson was actually really religious as everything he wrote was symbolic. I had a hard time believing him and consuming what he was talking about but now some of it makes more sense. The three albums he released in the 90s were a strange story. What I present to you are merely the facts that my friend Pat presented to me previously. The first album was Antichrist Superstar which featured a power hungry fascist president figure ripping a bible apart. The album goes on to feature such tracks as The Beautiful People, which is about the rich privileged individuals, Tourniquet, about a powerful individual who crafts his ideal woman, and finally theres the track Man that You fear, about a seemingly innocent individual who eventually rose to power and became the man what that is feared. Pat told me that this album was about a feeble individual who made a deal with dark power to rule everyone. This transformation is shown int he liner notes. The second album Mechanical Animals was essentially about the importance of gay rights, the violent power of the police and the popularity of drugs. The second album tells the story of an individual who is thrown into a reality show settings to become a celebrity. While that occurs the country drugs themselves to numb themselves from the stupidity. The third album is called Holywood, which is about a dark violent world where young people are disposed of while the the government takes advantage of them. The main character Adam Kadmon walks through this landscape feeling nothing until ultimately he kills himself. Now the crazy thing is Manson said those albums tell a story in a reverse order. Holywood, Mechanical Animals, then Antichrist Superstar. Ten years later Manson releases a music video for his newest album say10 with the title track.
(which takes place 10 years after Antichrist superstar)  The music video opens with Manson putting ripped pages back into a bible then ultimately ends with a decapated Trump. Oddly enough in the liner notes for Antichrist Superstar it says that it was recorded live in 1997, the album was released in 1996 alluding to the fact that the album takes place in the future. Pat always said that Manson wasn't entirely anti religion. Pat claimed that Manson stated God was dead in the way that Neitzche, meant it, which was an evangelical diluted over use of the word "God". Pat claimed that many who said they were religious were the the complete opposite to what christ stood for essentially being antichrist. Or so Pat said. I'm not saying Pat is right, but I am saying that it is very interesting.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

My confession on national coming out day...

It's national coming out day...I support gay and transgendered people even though I'm straight. My coming out comes in the form of confessing that I have NLD. NLD is nonverbal learning disorder, this is a condition which is actually on the autistic spectrum. My whole life I have been viewed as odd or strange or out of the norm. My whole life I was ridiculed for my quirks, I am lucky enough to have found a wife who appreciates me for who I am. If you ever noticed that I was quirky, odd, strange, or downright flakey there's a reason for it. Many people haven't had the patience for my quirks but It's liberating to know that it's not entirely my fault. I try to use it as a motivating factor to try to succeed and exceed expectations. The symptoms of NLD include but are not limited to:
  • Great vocabulary and verbal expression 
  • Excellent memory skills 
  • Attention to detail, but misses the big picture 
  • Trouble understanding reading 
  • Difficulty with math, especially word problems 
  • Poor abstract reasoning 
  • Physically awkward; poor coordination 
  • Messy and laborious handwriting 
  • Concrete thinking; taking things very literally 
  • Trouble with nonverbal communication, like body language, facial expression and tone of voice 
  • Poor social skills; difficulty making and keeping friends 
  • Fear of new situations 
  • Trouble adjusting to changes 
  • May be very na├»ve and lack common sense 
  • Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem
If you think you don't fit in or no one understands you, it may not be your fault, don't feel discouraged.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

What truly matters

Several weeks ago there was a massive tragedy that befell Orlando, I hesitated to put my two cents in because I knew that I didn't have the proper words to say anything really meaningful, which would cause my words to drift into the endless noise of the internet. I made a tribute album and donated the proceeds which went toward the victims of the senseless crime. Given, it was an attack on a specific group of people, who were attacked for the way they love. Love isn't a question, it's the answer, and it's what I saw from orlando amidst the aftermath. Love, renewed. So many people spend so much time trying to hide how they love in fear that they may get hurt for their love. Love takes on many shapes and forms, what truly matters is that it is love. I was apprehensive to say anything in the first place because I was afraid that my words would be insignificant and pale in comparison to the magnitude of the tragedy. What matters is that I'm trying to put some positivity out into the world, every little bit helps. We all have separate struggles, lives and journeys, regardless, we are one human people. If we all spent a little time making a bit more positivity then maybe things could change for the better...and that's what truly matters.